Playing With Fire

  Playing with Fire (Skulduggery Pleasant #2)

  Derek Landy

  This book is dedicated to my family -- because otherwise I'd never hear the end of it. . .

  Nadine -- Warm, kind, and considerate, I am all of these

  things.

  Audrey -- The greatest thrill of your life is probably the fact that I'm your brother.

  Ivan -- Meaningless words such as "brilliant," "amazing," and "inspirational" have been used to describe me, but not

  nearly enough.

  If any of you thought that there'd be something sincere or heartfelt in your dedications, allow me a moment to quietly

  laugh at you. ...

  Because the heartfelt sincerity is reserved for my nana.

  Chic, this book is also dedicated to you, for all the love and support you've shown me over the years. I love you much

  more than any of your other grandchildren do, I swear.

  iv

  CONTENTS

  One

  Hanging Around

  1

  Two

  Killer on the Loose

  8

  Three

  Vengeous

  16

  Four

  The Beauty, the Beast

  20

  Five

  The Terror of London

  34

  Six

  Fireballs in the Park

  42

  Seven

  Unwelcome Visitors

  61

  Eight

  Billy-Ray Sanguine

  83

  Nine

  The Hidden Room

  94

  Ten

  The Armor of Lord Vile

  117

  Eleven

  The Terrifying Brain Sucker

  of London

  120

  Twelve

  Bar Fight

  132

  Thirteen

  Roarhaven

  146

  Fourteen

  Springing Jack

  155

  Fifteen

  Point-Blank

  159

  Sixteen

  The Switch

  170

  Seventeen

  Grave Robbing

  179

  Eighteen

  Old Enemies

  188

  Nineteen

  On the Run

  196

  Twenty

  Under the Ground

  203

  Twenty-one

  Donning Darkness

  209

  v

  Twenty-two Blood and Shadows 211

  Twenty-three Elephants and Bunnies 225

  Twenty-four Argus 232

  Twenty-five A Smattering of Slaughtering 238

  Twenty-six Murder in the New Morgue 245

  Twenty-seven Rise of the Grotesquery 250

  Twenty-eight Good Guys Convene 263

  Twenty-nine Picking Up a Tail 265

  Thirty Fight 282

  Thirty-one The Edgley Family Reunion

  Thing 286

  Thirty-two Shadow Shards 298

  Thirty-three The Calm Before the Storm 305

  Thirty-four Unfinished Business 314

  Thirty-five Attack of the Vampires 320

  Thirty-six Giant Spider Madness 326

  Thirty-seven Tooth and Claw 331

  Thirty-eight Those About to Die ... 340

  Thirty-nine Facing Vengeous 353

  Forty Fight to the Death 363

  Forty-one Billy-Ray Sanguine's Erstwhile

  Employer 382

  Forty-two Bad Things 385

  vi

  [Page Blank]

  1

  Chapter One

  Hanging Around

  VALKYRIE CAIN hit the parapet and tumbled, unable to stop herself, and with a panicked gasp she disappeared off the edge. The church tower stood high and proud, looking out over Dublin City. The night breeze was brisk and carried snatches of laughter from the street below. It was a long way down. A man in a tattered coat walked up to the edge and peered over. He smirked.

  "This is insulting," he said. "Don't they know how dangerous I am? I am very, very dangerous. I'm a killer. I'm a trained killing machine. And still, they send you. A child."

  2

  Valkyrie felt her grip on the ledge loosen. She ignored the goading of the man standing above her and looked around for something else to grab on to. She looked everywhere but down. Down was where the street was, where the long drop and the sudden stop was. She didn't want to look down. She didn't want anything to do with down right now.

  "What age are you?" the man continued. "Thirteen? What kind of responsible adult sends a thirteen-year-old child to stop me? What kind of thinking is that?"

  Valkyrie swung herself gently toward the tower, planting her feet against a small buttress. The fear started to work through her, and she felt herself freeze up. She closed her eyes against the oncoming wave of paralysis.

  The man was Vaurien Scapegrace, currently wanted in five countries for various counts of attempted murder. He hunkered down at the edge and smiled happily.

  "I am turning murder into an art form. When I-- When I kill, I'm actually painting a big, big picture, using blood and, and ... messiness. You know?"

  Below Valkyrie, the city twinkled.

  3

  "I'm an artist," Scapegrace continued. "Some people don't appreciate that. Some people don't recognize true talent when they see it. And that's fine. I'm not bitter. My time will come."

  "Serpine tried to bring the Faceless Ones back," Valkyrie managed to say. Her fingers were burning, and the muscles in her legs were screaming at her. "We stopped him. We'll stop you, too."

  He laughed. "What, you think I want the old gods to walk the Earth once again? Is that it? You think Nefarian Serpine was my leader? I'm not one of those nut-bag disciples, all right? I'm my own man."

  Valkyrie had one chance, but she needed to be calm to take advantage of it. Her powers, limited though they were, were Elemental-- the manipulation of earth, air, fire, and water. But at this stage of her training they didn't work when she was panicking.

  "So if you don't want the Faceless Ones to return," she said, "what do you want? Why are you doing this?"

  He shook his head. "You wouldn't understand. It's grown-up stuff. I just want a little appreciation for who I am, that's all. That's not much to ask, is

  4

  it? But of course, you wouldn't know. You're just a kid." He shrugged. "Oh well. Time to die."

  He reached down to shove her.

  "Have you killed anyone?" she asked quickly.

  "What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder into an art form?"

  "But you haven't actually killed anyone yet, have you? I read your file."

  He glowered. "Technically, yeah, all right, maybe I haven't, but tonight's the night. You're going to be my first."

  She readied herself, controlled her breathing. "Find the space where everything connects," she murmured.

  Scapegrace frowned. "What?"

  Valkyrie kicked upward, taking her right hand from the outcrop and feeling the air against her palm. She pushed at it the way she'd been taught, and it shimmered and hit Scapegrace, throwing him off his feet. Valkyrie clutched at the edge of the parapet, her legs swinging in open air. She grunted and pulled herself up, then flung her left arm across the edge and hauled herself the rest of the way.

  Valkyrie got to her feet, her arms and legs trembling after the strain, and moved away from the

  5

  edge. The wind whipped her dark hair across her face.

  Scapegrace was already getting up, and she saw anger seep into his features. She clicked her fingers, generating a
spark that she caught in her hand. She tried to focus, tried to build it into a flame, but Scapegrace was coming at her like a freight train.

  She jumped and thrust out both feet. Her boots slammed into his chest, and he hit the ground again and went sprawling.

  He turned to her just as she lashed a kick into his jaw. His body twisted and he tumbled back, came up to his feet, then lost his balance, fell again. He spat blood and glared.

  "You little brat," he snarled. "You uppity, sneaky little brat. You don't know who you're messing with, do you? I am going to be the greatest killer the world has ever known." He stood up slowly, wiping his sleeve across his burst lip. "When I'm finished with you, I'm going to deliver your mutilated, bloody corpse to your masters, as a warning. They sent you up against me, alone. Next time they're going to have to send a battalion."

  Valkyrie smiled, and Scapegrace's anger flared. "What the hell is so funny?"

  6

  "First of all," she said, her confidence growing, "they're not my masters. I don't have a master. Second, they don't need a battalion to take you down. And third-- and this really is the most important point-- whoever said I came alone?"

  Scapegrace frowned, turned, saw someone walking up behind him-- a skeleton in a black suit-- and he tried to attack, but a gloved fist hit his face, a foot hit his shin, and an elbow slammed into his chest. He fell in an awkward heap.

  Skulduggery Pleasant turned to Valkyrie. "You all right?"

  "I'll kill you both!" Scapegrace howled.

  "Hush," Skulduggery said.

  Scapegrace launched himself forward and Skulduggery moved in to him, grabbed his outstretched arm, and spun him around, then abruptly cut him off by slamming a forearm into his throat. Scapegrace flipped in midair, landed painfully.

  Skulduggery turned to Valkyrie again.

  "I'm okay," she said. "Really."

  Scapegrace had his hands to his face. "I think you broke my nose!"

  They ignored him.

  "He talks a lot," Valkyrie said, "but I don't think

  7

  he knows what all the words mean."

  Scapegrace leaped up. "I am the Killer Supreme! I make murder into an art form!"

  Skulduggery hit him again, and Scapegrace did a little twirl before falling.

  "Vaurien Scapegrace," he said, "by the power endowed unto me under the Sanctuary Rule of Justice, I am placing you under arrest for the attempted murder of Alexander Remit and Sofia Toil in Oregon, Cothurnus Ode and Armiger Fop in Sydney, Gregory Castallan and Bartholomew-- "

  Scapegrace tried one last desperate attack, which Skulduggery cut short by punching him very hard on the nose. The Killer Supreme wobbled, and he collapsed and started crying.

  8

  Chapter Two

  KILLER ON THE LOOSE

  THE CAR WAS A 1954 Bentley R-Type Continental. It sliced through the quiet Dublin night like a black shark, gleaming and powerful. It was a beautiful car. Valkyrie had grown to love it almost as much as Skulduggery did.

  They turned onto O'Connell Street, passed the Spire and the Pearse Monument. Scapegrace sat in the back and complained that the shackles were too tight. It was four in the morning. Valkyrie fought a yawn.

  This time last year she would have been in bed,

  9

  snuggled up and dreaming about . . . well, whatever it was she dreamed about back then. Things were a lot different now, and she was lucky if she could get a few hours' sleep a night. If she wasn't going up against crazies like Scapegrace, she was practicing magic, and if she wasn't practicing magic, she was training to fight with either Skulduggery or Tanith. These days, her life was a lot more exciting, a lot more fun, and a lot more dangerous. In fact, one of the major downsides to her new life was that she rarely had sweet dreams anymore. When she slept, it was the nightmares that came to her. They waited patiently, and they were always eager to play.

  But that was the cost, she reasoned. The cost of living a life of adventure and excitement.

  The owners of the Waxworks Museum had closed it down after the events of the previous year, and set up a new and improved version in another part of the city. The building now stood quietly beside its neighbors, humble and drab, its front doors closed and locked and sealed. But Valkyrie and Skulduggery had never used the front doors anyway.

  They parked in the loading area at the back and

  10

  took Scapegrace in through the rear door. The corridors were dimly lit, and they walked past the lonely historical figures and cinematic icons that had been left here to collect dust. Valkyrie traced her hand along the wall to find the switch, and the door slid open beside her. She led the way through and down the steps, her mind flashing back to the summer of the previous year, when she had stepped into the Sanctuary's foyer littered with dead bodies. . . .

  Today, however, there were no corpses in sight. Two Cleavers stood guard against the far wall, dressed all in gray, their scythes strapped to their backs, visored helmets pointing straight ahead. The Cleavers acted as the Sanctuary's law enforcers and its army. Silent and lethal, they still gave Valkyrie the creeps.

  The double doors to their left opened and the new Grand Mage, Thurid Guild, came out to them. He looked to be in his sixties, with thinning gray hair and a lined face and cold eyes.

  "You found him, then," Guild said. "Before or after he managed to kill someone?"

  "Before," Skulduggery said. Guild grunted, and

  11

  gestured to the Cleavers. They stepped forward, and Scapegrace shrank away from them. They took him firmly by the arms and he didn't resist. He even stopped whining about his broken nose as they led him away.

  Valkyrie looked back at Guild. He wasn't a friendly man by any means, but he seemed especially uncomfortable around her, like he wasn't yet sure if he should take her seriously. He tended to speak directly to Skulduggery, and only glanced at Valkyrie when she asked a question.

  "A situation has arisen that requires your attention," he said now. "This way."

  Skulduggery fell into step beside the Grand Mage, but Valkyrie stayed two paces behind. Guild had taken over as head of the Council of Elders, but he still had to select the two sorcerers who would rule with him. It was a long and arduous process, apparently, but Valkyrie suspected she knew who would be Guild's first choice. He was a man who respected power, after all, and there were few more powerful in this world than Mr. Bliss.

  They walked into a room with a long table, and Mr. Bliss rose-- bald, tall, and broad-shouldered,

  12

  with eyes a piercing blue.

  "I have received some disturbing news," Bliss said, getting straight to the point as usual. "It seems that Baron Vengeous has been freed from the confinement facility in Russia."

  Skulduggery was silent for a moment. When he spoke, he spoke slowly. "How did he get out?"

  "Violently, from the reports we've been getting," Guild said. "Nine Cleavers were killed, along with approximately one third of the prisoners. His cell, like all the cells, was securely bound. Nobody should have been able to use magic in any of them."

  Valkyrie raised an eyebrow, and Skulduggery answered her unspoken question. "Baron Vengeous was one of Mevolent's infamous Three Generals. Dangerously fanatical, extremely intelligent, and very, very powerful. I saw him look at a colleague of mine, and my colleague ruptured."

  "Ruptured?"

  Skulduggery nodded. "All over the place." He turned to Guild. "Do we know who freed him?"

  The Grand Mage shook his head. "According to the Russians, one wall of his cell was cracked. Still

  13

  solid, but cracked, like something had hit it. That's the only clue we have at the moment."

  "The prison's location is a closely guarded secret," Bliss said. "It is well hidden and well protected. Whoever is behind this had inside knowledge."

  Guild made a face. "That's the Russians' problem, not ours. The only thing we have to concern ourselves with is stopping Vengeous.
"

  "You think he'll come here, then?" Valkyrie asked.

  Guild looked at her, and she saw his fist clench. He probably didn't even realize he was doing it, but it signaled to Valkyrie loud and clear that he still didn't like her.

  "Vengeous will come home, yes. He has a history here." He looked at Skulduggery. "We have already sent our people to airports and docks around the country, in the hope of preventing him from entering. But you know better than anyone how difficult the Baron is to . . . contain."

  "Indeed," Skulduggery murmured.

  "I think we can assume," Guild continued, "that if Baron Vengeous is not already here, then he will

  14

  be arriving shortly. You arrested him eighty years ago. I'm relying on you to do it again."

  "I'll do my best."

  "Do better, Detective."

  Skulduggery observed Guild for a moment before answering. "Of course, Grand Mage."

  Guild dismissed them with a curt nod, and as they were walking back through the corridors, Valkyrie spoke.

  "Guild doesn't like me."